


let me steal this moment from you now

by Aaronlisa



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Book 2: The Dream Thieves, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah's thoughts as he kisses her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me steal this moment from you now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Smallfandomfest on LJ. Set during Book #2.

He knows that this is _wrong_. It's a betrayal but he can't help it. He can't help how he's drawn to her in almost every way. And he knows that he has nothing to offer her but even more heartbreak with his kisses. It was supposed to be one kiss, a chance to let her have something that she had always believed she could never have. And for a moment it was just the one kiss as they laid in Gansey's sun warmed bed that smelled of mint and wheat grass. He had left her because he had wanted to kiss her over and over but he couldn't do that to her or Gansey or even himself. But her longing had called him back, it had ruined his good intentions. The fact that if he was alive she'd say yes to him pulled him back. She hadn't even said anything before she had kissed him again. 

And he knows it's wrong as he shifts them so that she is laying on her back and he's laying partially on top of her. Still he kisses her over and over again, giving her something that Gansey can never give her because she'll never ask him for it because of what her kiss means to Gansey and to her. And even though Noah knows that she belongs to Gansey in a way that goes beyond how they _all_ belong to Gansey. She belongs to Gansey in a way that Gansey belongs to her. He can't help but feel jealous of Gansey even more. 

The irony is that when he had been alive, he had been nothing more than a stereotypical rich Aglionby Academy boy. He had been reckless and fearless. He would have never looked twice at Blue Sargent. It wouldn't have been about her personally but the boys at Aglionby generally didn't look at the girls from Henrietta. The boy that he used to be is long gone. A death blow to the face from a friend and seven years have eradicated that boy and replaced him with a shy, nervous and faded boy. But when he kisses her, he can almost feel like he used to be. 

They pull apart and Blue is breathless. Thee is a dazed look in her eyes as they continue to lie in Gansey's bed. He can't help it when a feeling of bitterness washes over him - he's dead. He'll forever be seventeen and he has nothing to offer her other than the safety of his kisses because he's neither her first love nor can he die if she kisses him. He can only give her what Adam never could. He's nothing more than a substitute for Gansey. He has never wished to be someone else but right now he wishes that he was Gansey and then maybe Blue would be kissing him because she desperately wants to, because she _needs_ to and not because she's seventeen and has never kissed a boy before. 

"Noah?" 

Her voice is soft and gentle. When he looks at her, he wants to be alive, to be able to give her everything that she wants. He wraps his arms around her as they lay in Gansey's bed, which smells of Gansey and his mint leaves. Noah knows that he _wants_ far too much. And he can't recall ever wanting anything quite as much as he wants this moment to never end. It's foolish because nothing can come of this - of their kissing and cuddling - or of what he feels for Blue. It's not even about Gansey anymore. It's about the fact that she's alive and he is not. He's a ghost and he's stuck forever. Frozen. One day she will leave him because that's what the living do. 

Her hand gently cups his face, touching his mark. He doesn't want her touching it - it's an evil stain but she won't let go, even when he wraps his hand around her wrist. She presses her lips against his. Her warmth is a subtle reminder that she can't be with him and of the natural divide that exists between them. He feels more alive than he has ever felt before, even when he was alive. He wants to shout at the unfairness of it all. But her body is warm and soft against his. He can't ever recall being this close with another girl before and he knows that there were other girls before. He wasn't innocent or pure when he died. The thing that sets this moment apart from before is not the fact that he is dead it's the fact that none of those other girls were Blue. 

"Noah." 

Her voice is a whisper and it's full of longing. She's looking at him as if it's the first time that she's ever seen him. If he could be selfish, he knows what his wish would be when they found Glendower. He wants to live, he wants to be able to answer the longing in her.

"I wish...." Blue starts to say. 

He presses his lips against her before she can say anything else. This kiss is different than the others. It's not gentle, it's not sweet. It's rough and insistent. What she wants right now is not possible. And for all of her worldliness, there's an innocence about Blue Sargent. He doesn't want to hear her innocent wish, which has the power to destroy the both of them. She is Gansey's girl even if Adam and Ronan are too blind to see it and she has been since she first entered their circle. Noah has felt it since she entered their lives. A few stolen kisses with him and an awkward relationship with Adam is not going to change that. 

All that he has is the distinction of being the first boy that she's kissed. He knows that she's in love with Gansey even if she hasn't admitted it to herself. There's a part of him that thinks he should feel nothing but guilt and shame for kissing her when he knows that she belongs to someone else but he doesn't care.

"Can we just lay like this for a while longer?" 

Her voice is quiet but full of acceptance. He nods in agreement. He pulls her closer, revelling in the sound of her breath and heartbeat and in her warmth,. She shivers against him and he knows what this is costing her. He wants to leave her, to keep her safe but he wants to stay because he needs this as much as she does. He wants to pretend that they are something that they're not. Something that they can never be, even if he was a real boy. 

 

((END))


End file.
